June 15, 2023 2 min read
I spent yesterday researching what information was out there on the do-it-yourself Penis Cake. Of course, the world wide web spit up several sites when I typed “penis cake” in the subject line…but each entry had a FATAL FLAW.
If you want instructions of how to make "realstic” style Penis Cake you can watch a British Buxom Blonde give you step-by-step instruction on you tube (video below). The main problem here is that she makes the friggen cake from scratch and tops it with fondant…FONDANT! For some reason, even if I could get past the fact that she didn’t use a Duncan Hines mix, when she pulled out the fondant I started to hate her. I will admit her finished cake is perfection (as perfect 10 in the world of penis cakes for sure) …and I DO agree the friggen FONDANT does look like very realistic skin…but come on! I really don't want to get a candy thermometer and a rolling pin to make this happen. And P.S. Buxom Blonde Lady – the Gummy Worm piercing is a little over the top for American tastes.
If you don’t mind a cake that looks like total complete crap, you should check out the sights put out by the porn suppliers that own some of the bachelorette party supply stores on the web. Boy…they cannot make a penis cake to save their lives! First, they want you to spend $12-20 on a pan, that looks frankly out of proportion (and they should be PENIS experts since they own Porn distribution warehouses!) when CLEARLY you don’t need the fancy pan, because the British chick (mentioned in pt 1) doesn’t use a $20 pan and her cake looks a billion times better than the cakes they show. Sorry I can't show you there cakes, but believe me, when it comes to a penis cake, the fancy pan is not the way to go.
My recommendation to you is WING IT! Believe me you can do better on your own. Ignore the British lady and buy a Duncan Hines Mix, and ignore the porn pushers and skip the $20 penis pan, and make you own wonderful cake for under $5.00 and have the time of your life making it up as you go! If you want to add funny sprinkles, or pecker shaped candles, I'm all for it!
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